If you're reading this, then the blog has already moved. The Argus website is now hosting, the local paper for Brighton and Sussex region.
www.theargus.co.uk/yourargus/blogs
Happy reading!
Monday, 23 March 2009
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Female Multi-tasking Masterclass
It is a truth universally accepted that a woman in possession of offspring must be able to do a multitude of tasks at the same time:
1. One handed eating: you may need someone to cut it up for you, or you may attempt to saw through chicken breast one-handed. Whereas other people's cherry tomatoes on the side would go flying off the plate, you craft a series of careful movements to get the job done while holding baby.
2. Breastfeeding and texting: once you have spent quality time perfecting the art of latching you will soon be able to breastfeed anywhere. My other breastfeeding faves include standing up while fetching the remote control, sitting on the sofa and putting on make-up, laying in bed and watching QI on the iPlayer on the iPhone.
3. Carrying a basket and pushing the buggy round the supermarket: some people have told me you can leave your pushchair or pram with security, get a trolley and then shop. When all you want to buy is milk, bread, eggs and wine? Piff! So I'd rather struggle with items in a basket, hooked on my arm or placed very carefully on the hood of the pushchair. Just when you think you have tested the weight limit on that very hood, you realise you need olive oil, orange juice and porridge oats. Why isn't there a basket friendly option such as an attachment to the buggy? Ah well, you are most likely to put more items in a trolley, mum. Definitely a man's idea.
4. Feed the baby and eat your own breakfast: Porridge? Check. Baby rice? Check. Spoons? Check. Muslin? Check. Bib on? Check. Baby secured in their seat? Check. Coffee? Check. Floor cover? Check. And we're off....
5. Talking on the phone and changing a nappy: you don't know why the hell you answered it and after 2 mins on their sales pitch you realise its your own insurance company trying to sell you more insurance. No thanks, goodbye.
6. Pushing a buggy and surfing the net on your mobile device: this list isn't for the attentive earthy mother nation, hey it is me. I also need to add that I achieve these two actions while avoiding getting dogs excrement on all four wheels of your baby transport. I'd like to invite dog owners to clean my carpet.
7. Meal planning, writing shopping lists and watching Cold Case: 'this is a good one' my partner enthuses but to me it's formulaic and predictable, so I can catch on at any point in the episode.
8. Smiling and nodding at your partner while you wait for the baby to stop crying at bedtime. He could be telling me he'd won the lottery, I can't hear anything until I know the child is settled.
9. Cleaning the bath tiles while waiting for your conditioner treatment time to end. Perhaps not uniquely a 'mummy' activity however, you do find for added 'time saving' you also clean the taps, shower curtain and re-arrange your smellies on the shower shelf.
10. Giving the baby a bottle and programming the digital recorder. One handed, baby friendly bottle feeding is an art. Well I absolutely can't miss Masterchef.
NB the above activities are not recommended to try in your own home. I am in no way a medical expert but there's probably a very good reason or some research to show that using gadgets e.g. mobile phones around babies can be bad for their health.
1. One handed eating: you may need someone to cut it up for you, or you may attempt to saw through chicken breast one-handed. Whereas other people's cherry tomatoes on the side would go flying off the plate, you craft a series of careful movements to get the job done while holding baby.
2. Breastfeeding and texting: once you have spent quality time perfecting the art of latching you will soon be able to breastfeed anywhere. My other breastfeeding faves include standing up while fetching the remote control, sitting on the sofa and putting on make-up, laying in bed and watching QI on the iPlayer on the iPhone.
3. Carrying a basket and pushing the buggy round the supermarket: some people have told me you can leave your pushchair or pram with security, get a trolley and then shop. When all you want to buy is milk, bread, eggs and wine? Piff! So I'd rather struggle with items in a basket, hooked on my arm or placed very carefully on the hood of the pushchair. Just when you think you have tested the weight limit on that very hood, you realise you need olive oil, orange juice and porridge oats. Why isn't there a basket friendly option such as an attachment to the buggy? Ah well, you are most likely to put more items in a trolley, mum. Definitely a man's idea.
4. Feed the baby and eat your own breakfast: Porridge? Check. Baby rice? Check. Spoons? Check. Muslin? Check. Bib on? Check. Baby secured in their seat? Check. Coffee? Check. Floor cover? Check. And we're off....
5. Talking on the phone and changing a nappy: you don't know why the hell you answered it and after 2 mins on their sales pitch you realise its your own insurance company trying to sell you more insurance. No thanks, goodbye.
6. Pushing a buggy and surfing the net on your mobile device: this list isn't for the attentive earthy mother nation, hey it is me. I also need to add that I achieve these two actions while avoiding getting dogs excrement on all four wheels of your baby transport. I'd like to invite dog owners to clean my carpet.
7. Meal planning, writing shopping lists and watching Cold Case: 'this is a good one' my partner enthuses but to me it's formulaic and predictable, so I can catch on at any point in the episode.
8. Smiling and nodding at your partner while you wait for the baby to stop crying at bedtime. He could be telling me he'd won the lottery, I can't hear anything until I know the child is settled.
9. Cleaning the bath tiles while waiting for your conditioner treatment time to end. Perhaps not uniquely a 'mummy' activity however, you do find for added 'time saving' you also clean the taps, shower curtain and re-arrange your smellies on the shower shelf.
10. Giving the baby a bottle and programming the digital recorder. One handed, baby friendly bottle feeding is an art. Well I absolutely can't miss Masterchef.
NB the above activities are not recommended to try in your own home. I am in no way a medical expert but there's probably a very good reason or some research to show that using gadgets e.g. mobile phones around babies can be bad for their health.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
New Life vs Old Life
Is motherhood a big fat goodbye to a wild and wonderful social life? Or does it open new pastures for self-fulfillment?
Having just seen a Facebook message from a pregnant friend who is 'missing her old life', a big smile cracks across my face as I identify with that emotion. I spent the first half of my pregnancy in a state of panic that things were never going to be same again. It's worth noting I suffered with awful morning sickness until week 17 of the pregnancy which didn't help my state of mind. Rationality went out of the window and my moods peaked and troughed like a perpetual rollercoaster.
Luckily, I had some extremely good friends who relentlessly reassured me that they would never treat me differently when I had a 'dependent'. Granted I was going to change, that was a fact. As we nervously accepted that fact (as we had no idea how the 'change' would manifest) we worked hard to reinforce our friendships and keep things in common. We arranged girlie trips to Las Vegas, obsessed about remaining glamorous investing in nice clothes and cosmetics plus continued to talk careers with the odd baby topic thrown in. These girls were and still are my lighthouse in the storm.
One of the most annoying aspects of pregnancy is the unsolicited advice. The most irritating nugget a good number of people offered me was 'life will never be the same again'. If I wasn't so tense and defensive about this subject area, I could and should have asked why and how life will change. I mistakenly assumed they meant that children are the 'ball and chain' of my future life and I won't ever have fun without them again. However, thinking about that statement a little more objectively, irritating it may be, it is true. What they failed to offer up in terms of experience is how life changes in a good way. Not because of all this 'children are a miracle' crap, in fact, no one has ever been able to explain that to me without sounding like a complete pod person. Mainly how you develop a set of soft skills you never knew you had, which you can apply to almost everything you try and achieve, as well as raising your child.
In my own case, for example, I am a planner and like to control many aspects of my life. What I've realised in the first 5 months of my child's life, is that it doesn't matter if you don't plan some things at all. That may seem alien to the more laid back personalities reading this but I functioned heavily on stacking up tasks and appointments on a daily basis. As I started to care for my child, I naturally relaxed into her rhythm i.e. doing what she feels like whenever she feels like it! My stress levels subsided and I naturally developed this sense of important vs. unimportant decisions to make at any point in time. By having a renewed focus on how I spend my time, I am well on my way to achieving quality results on day to day tasks. I haven't felt this confident about my abilities since I was a cocky teenager.
As my pregnancy progressed, I was forced to embrace a calmer social life. Again, this worried me. I realised I had many 'pub' friends who I suddenly didn't see for weeks on end, as I was tired and homebound. Amazingly, many of these friends made the effort to personally contact me and proactively arranged social gatherings rather than just 'showing up at the pub'. Our friendship was moving to new level and I started to engage with people intensely rather than flit around a room with a drink in my hand. Please don't get me wrong, this was my own personality flaw I was transforming. I'm not suggesting at all that parenthood makes everyone better friends or that there's anything wrong with superficial acquaintances, they are fun and serve their purpose.
These are just a couple of examples of how I can testify that my life has changed considerably without a glazed look in my eye blabbering on about my daughter's smile (which is gorgeous by the way). Of course, this is not the quick answer to the polite question of 'how are you finding motherhood?'. If I did respond with this level of detail they would be the ones with the glazed look in their eyes.
To answer my opening musings, I don't feel I have seen the back of the wonderful social life. Wild it may not be, in comparison to the way I conducted myself in the past and I suppose right there is the key point. I was most likely ready for this change after all, despite my panic. Whichever way you look at it, this type of life change is not for everyone but I hope I have illustrated here that it's not all kids bedtimes and washing up. For me, it's as exciting and fresh as being a teenager all over again!
Having just seen a Facebook message from a pregnant friend who is 'missing her old life', a big smile cracks across my face as I identify with that emotion. I spent the first half of my pregnancy in a state of panic that things were never going to be same again. It's worth noting I suffered with awful morning sickness until week 17 of the pregnancy which didn't help my state of mind. Rationality went out of the window and my moods peaked and troughed like a perpetual rollercoaster.
Luckily, I had some extremely good friends who relentlessly reassured me that they would never treat me differently when I had a 'dependent'. Granted I was going to change, that was a fact. As we nervously accepted that fact (as we had no idea how the 'change' would manifest) we worked hard to reinforce our friendships and keep things in common. We arranged girlie trips to Las Vegas, obsessed about remaining glamorous investing in nice clothes and cosmetics plus continued to talk careers with the odd baby topic thrown in. These girls were and still are my lighthouse in the storm.
One of the most annoying aspects of pregnancy is the unsolicited advice. The most irritating nugget a good number of people offered me was 'life will never be the same again'. If I wasn't so tense and defensive about this subject area, I could and should have asked why and how life will change. I mistakenly assumed they meant that children are the 'ball and chain' of my future life and I won't ever have fun without them again. However, thinking about that statement a little more objectively, irritating it may be, it is true. What they failed to offer up in terms of experience is how life changes in a good way. Not because of all this 'children are a miracle' crap, in fact, no one has ever been able to explain that to me without sounding like a complete pod person. Mainly how you develop a set of soft skills you never knew you had, which you can apply to almost everything you try and achieve, as well as raising your child.
In my own case, for example, I am a planner and like to control many aspects of my life. What I've realised in the first 5 months of my child's life, is that it doesn't matter if you don't plan some things at all. That may seem alien to the more laid back personalities reading this but I functioned heavily on stacking up tasks and appointments on a daily basis. As I started to care for my child, I naturally relaxed into her rhythm i.e. doing what she feels like whenever she feels like it! My stress levels subsided and I naturally developed this sense of important vs. unimportant decisions to make at any point in time. By having a renewed focus on how I spend my time, I am well on my way to achieving quality results on day to day tasks. I haven't felt this confident about my abilities since I was a cocky teenager.
As my pregnancy progressed, I was forced to embrace a calmer social life. Again, this worried me. I realised I had many 'pub' friends who I suddenly didn't see for weeks on end, as I was tired and homebound. Amazingly, many of these friends made the effort to personally contact me and proactively arranged social gatherings rather than just 'showing up at the pub'. Our friendship was moving to new level and I started to engage with people intensely rather than flit around a room with a drink in my hand. Please don't get me wrong, this was my own personality flaw I was transforming. I'm not suggesting at all that parenthood makes everyone better friends or that there's anything wrong with superficial acquaintances, they are fun and serve their purpose.
These are just a couple of examples of how I can testify that my life has changed considerably without a glazed look in my eye blabbering on about my daughter's smile (which is gorgeous by the way). Of course, this is not the quick answer to the polite question of 'how are you finding motherhood?'. If I did respond with this level of detail they would be the ones with the glazed look in their eyes.
To answer my opening musings, I don't feel I have seen the back of the wonderful social life. Wild it may not be, in comparison to the way I conducted myself in the past and I suppose right there is the key point. I was most likely ready for this change after all, despite my panic. Whichever way you look at it, this type of life change is not for everyone but I hope I have illustrated here that it's not all kids bedtimes and washing up. For me, it's as exciting and fresh as being a teenager all over again!
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Shameless Self Marketing
Now that Contented Mummy has established her ideals and is working hard on her philosophy, I've embarked on a programme of marketing the 'good news'. So I apologise for this break in juicy articles for an update on Contented Mummy world.
I created a new Facebook group, open to all. This is to get momentum going on attracting new readers. I know there's lots of parents, newbies and more experienced, who have valuable experiences to share, so I will canvass for articles too. I would like to faciliate that to make this blog 'parent to parent' support and information. Search in Facebook under: Contented Mummy.
As per the previous article, I'm on Twitter and trying desperately to hunt down tech savvy parents in the UK. I've created a group using Tweetworks, so if you're interested in Twittering in a more refined way, look us up on there: contentedmummy
As yet, I haven't worked out how to use Tweetworks with my iPhone, so updates are going to be slow at first. I will keep you posted.
Finally, I'm in the process of writing a brief so my clever mother can design a logo for Contented Mummy. Any of your who know me from work, know that I love logos for everything.
Anyone with any other ideas for making this a valuable forum can contact me on:
claritadeb73@yahoo.co.uk
I created a new Facebook group, open to all. This is to get momentum going on attracting new readers. I know there's lots of parents, newbies and more experienced, who have valuable experiences to share, so I will canvass for articles too. I would like to faciliate that to make this blog 'parent to parent' support and information. Search in Facebook under: Contented Mummy.
As per the previous article, I'm on Twitter and trying desperately to hunt down tech savvy parents in the UK. I've created a group using Tweetworks, so if you're interested in Twittering in a more refined way, look us up on there: contentedmummy
As yet, I haven't worked out how to use Tweetworks with my iPhone, so updates are going to be slow at first. I will keep you posted.
Finally, I'm in the process of writing a brief so my clever mother can design a logo for Contented Mummy. Any of your who know me from work, know that I love logos for everything.
Anyone with any other ideas for making this a valuable forum can contact me on:
claritadeb73@yahoo.co.uk
Monday, 23 February 2009
I Wasn't Joking About the South Terminal Queue
This is a picture from Sunday, taken with my iPhone, when we arrived back in Blighty. Any of you familiar with Gatwick South Terminal will recognise this as one of the check-in areas. The queue for security wrapped around the corner, back towards the exit doors to the terminal. So, as you can see, I wasn't exaggerating about the queue. The hour-long wait I had was in a line half this size.
I will say that my partner didn't have the wait, when he flew mid-week at lunchtime but that is off-peak, so be prepared if you're making the trip.
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Twitter Mummy
Twitter is the evolution of the Facebook status. It's mum's answer to staying in touch with the world around. It's like creating your own customised news headlines of all the things are important to you. Whether you want to stalk celebrities, get BBC news, local events or a quote for the day I truly feel there's something for everyone.
Yes there are views that on-line socialising is having a detrimental effect on person to person interraction (source: BBC news article on-line 20/02/09). This may be true in some cases but we shouldn't forget the number of people who aren't socially included in society and on-line social media has enabled like minded people to communicate without fear of prejudice or judgement.
Then there's the Busy People. Those who hot whatever reason are living life at warp speed, cramming in as much in as possible. Twitter is an excellent way of filtering out irrelevant information and channeling what's important. For example, I dropped my subscription to the NME music mag as I never had the patience to sit and read from cover to cover. Now I am following theIr tweets I can read the news that interests me. I feel more in touch with my preferred media than ever.
These are just a few of the benefits I can see. Ignore those who look down their noses at it. I remember people saying the same things about e-mail and now it's a staple in most homes and work places. When I get back in front of the PC I'll attempt to set up a Contented Mum group. In the meantime follow me at: claritadeb
That's me twittering off for now. Keep doing things your way, the contented mum way.
Yes there are views that on-line socialising is having a detrimental effect on person to person interraction (source: BBC news article on-line 20/02/09). This may be true in some cases but we shouldn't forget the number of people who aren't socially included in society and on-line social media has enabled like minded people to communicate without fear of prejudice or judgement.
Then there's the Busy People. Those who hot whatever reason are living life at warp speed, cramming in as much in as possible. Twitter is an excellent way of filtering out irrelevant information and channeling what's important. For example, I dropped my subscription to the NME music mag as I never had the patience to sit and read from cover to cover. Now I am following theIr tweets I can read the news that interests me. I feel more in touch with my preferred media than ever.
These are just a few of the benefits I can see. Ignore those who look down their noses at it. I remember people saying the same things about e-mail and now it's a staple in most homes and work places. When I get back in front of the PC I'll attempt to set up a Contented Mum group. In the meantime follow me at: claritadeb
That's me twittering off for now. Keep doing things your way, the contented mum way.
Child Free Weddings
There's always such a fuss about children at weddings. In these times, it seems to be the trend to not invite children to weddings. The principle reason tends to be guest numbers and how hotels charge and cater for kids. Depending on how many of your nearest and dearest have small children this can be very expensive. Some venues charge obscene prices for children over 5 plus the cut off price for the adult rate kicks in as young as 10 years of age. Whether numbers are tight due to budget or tough choices on guest priority, the question of children attending is not easy.
A blanket decision of all kids or no kids is most likely the easiest way. Annoyingly there will always be some who forget whose day it is and take exception to the decision (whatever it is). Usually, parents have several options and adequate time to prepare themselves.
Leaving young babies is always going to be hard, especially for breastfeeding mothers. Luckily, our daughter is nearly five months, so leaving her today wasn't too difficult. We're away from home but with family, so had plenty of old family friends queuing up to care for her. I packed a bag full of equipment, feed, spare clothes and a 'what to do' guide. We are a virtually routine-free family, which makes things easier to explain to babysitters. Writing down some helpful notes became 'instructions for my child'. I didn't want to sound like control freak mummy but wanted to ensure they were prepared for all eventualities. I say 'virtually' routine free as i realised on writing the notes she has her own little pattern of sleeping and feeding. For all your concerns you have to remember a key thing; we figured it out all by ourselves so our chosen carers who have done it with their own kids will cope just as well. They even figured out how to work the buggy!
For the first thirty minutes after she left the house, I felt like a spare part. That nagging feeling I should be checking on her or washing something. Then I made a concious effort to put her out of my mind and focus on the day. It was glorious! I had adult conversations that weren't centered around motherhood, fussed over other people who needed help and weren't under 1 years if age! I put a lot of effort into not becoming a baby bore.
The wedding didn't lack anything either by not having children there. Some people feel that weddings are family occasions and should include all. Fair point, but I also saw many parents and grandparents engaging with each other intently as they didn't have one eye on their offspring. I began to realise that new memories were being made, friendships reinforced as people were able to truly listen to one another. This is important too, for without this support network I know I wouldn't cope so easily being a mother.
As it approached the time to go and collect her, I was torn. I didn't have to go, I could have stayed. Deep down I wanted to see her, I think because it was the first time we had left her for so long with anyone. I never wanted to be one of those parents whose social life revolved around their kids and I hardly ever leave a party early. It felt odd, such an anti-climax. Until I walked in the door of our friends house and was greeted by a big beaming smile from my daughter. She had been a delight, so much so, our friends didn't want to let her go. What a compliment to my daughter and reassuring experience for us.
Now I can't wait for the next time. I'm of the view that the few hours without my baby helped me clear my mind and relax. At 5 months it feels like the right time for her to spend more time alone with family or friends.
I reckon I'm not the only parent who feels this way either. So provided childcare isn't a logistical issue, child free weddings can be hassle free and contented parent friendly.
A blanket decision of all kids or no kids is most likely the easiest way. Annoyingly there will always be some who forget whose day it is and take exception to the decision (whatever it is). Usually, parents have several options and adequate time to prepare themselves.
Leaving young babies is always going to be hard, especially for breastfeeding mothers. Luckily, our daughter is nearly five months, so leaving her today wasn't too difficult. We're away from home but with family, so had plenty of old family friends queuing up to care for her. I packed a bag full of equipment, feed, spare clothes and a 'what to do' guide. We are a virtually routine-free family, which makes things easier to explain to babysitters. Writing down some helpful notes became 'instructions for my child'. I didn't want to sound like control freak mummy but wanted to ensure they were prepared for all eventualities. I say 'virtually' routine free as i realised on writing the notes she has her own little pattern of sleeping and feeding. For all your concerns you have to remember a key thing; we figured it out all by ourselves so our chosen carers who have done it with their own kids will cope just as well. They even figured out how to work the buggy!
For the first thirty minutes after she left the house, I felt like a spare part. That nagging feeling I should be checking on her or washing something. Then I made a concious effort to put her out of my mind and focus on the day. It was glorious! I had adult conversations that weren't centered around motherhood, fussed over other people who needed help and weren't under 1 years if age! I put a lot of effort into not becoming a baby bore.
The wedding didn't lack anything either by not having children there. Some people feel that weddings are family occasions and should include all. Fair point, but I also saw many parents and grandparents engaging with each other intently as they didn't have one eye on their offspring. I began to realise that new memories were being made, friendships reinforced as people were able to truly listen to one another. This is important too, for without this support network I know I wouldn't cope so easily being a mother.
As it approached the time to go and collect her, I was torn. I didn't have to go, I could have stayed. Deep down I wanted to see her, I think because it was the first time we had left her for so long with anyone. I never wanted to be one of those parents whose social life revolved around their kids and I hardly ever leave a party early. It felt odd, such an anti-climax. Until I walked in the door of our friends house and was greeted by a big beaming smile from my daughter. She had been a delight, so much so, our friends didn't want to let her go. What a compliment to my daughter and reassuring experience for us.
Now I can't wait for the next time. I'm of the view that the few hours without my baby helped me clear my mind and relax. At 5 months it feels like the right time for her to spend more time alone with family or friends.
I reckon I'm not the only parent who feels this way either. So provided childcare isn't a logistical issue, child free weddings can be hassle free and contented parent friendly.
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